I was beginning to feel like a failure with each Sunday that passed and no new content to post. I would sit down to write and the words just were not coming to me. Even though I was feeling defeated I respect my readers too much to put out material that I know is weak and crappy just for the sake of being "consistent". So, needless to say this hiatus was unexpected and unplanned.
As the weeks passed I started to search as to why I couldn't find the words and all the while my zeal for writing started to fade. I started to doubt myself and my talent. It was in this brief absence that I discovered that I was being ungrateful. More so ungrateful when it came to my relationship than with writing.
Ungrateful - not feeling or showing gratitude.I was being ungrateful to God. In the short years that I was single all I did was whine, complain and pray fervently for a relationship and love, then God sent that to me. He sent me not just a man, but a good man and I still grumbled. I complained because he didn't arrive in the manner that I had constructed in my mind, he didn't come in the packaging that I had meticulously pieced together and he didn't have the things that I fantasized about my future mate having.
However, God closed the door to the fantasy reel I had running in my mind and opened a window to reality. The areas that I thought were so essential to a mate God dissolved and showed me something different. God didn't send the man that I wanted, but the man he knew would treat me the way I needed. He sent me a man that doesn't have everything in the world, but he is different than any man that I have ever dated, been in a relationship with and dealt with period. God sent me in a sense what I had been praying for just not in the wrapping that I was expecting.
I prayed for a man that is smart and my boyfriend actually exceeds the definition of smart, I wanted a man that is a follower of Jesus Christ and he is although we have differing views on some religious topics, a man that would love me and he does and a man that wants to get married. My man definitely wants to get married so much so that if I told him to meet me at the courthouse tomorrow at noon to get married he would be there at 11:30 am waiting for me.
Even just writing that makes me smile.
So, I guess the question now is am I still ungrateful? The answer is no. I have slowly started embracing the change and hurdling the obstacles that relationships can bring. Even though my boyfriend and I had only known each other for a couple months before we decided to make things official we are, very much so, still two strangers getting to know one another within a comfortable relationship.
Time is our ally and not an enemy and only time will tell where our relationship goes. No he is not my knight in shining armor coming to save me or my prince charming because a queen doesn't deal with a knight or prince but only a king.
Thanks for reading!