Saturday, May 29, 2010

Ex-boyfriends Are Like....

Last night on my way home from a night on the town with my best friend I ran into an ex-boyfriend of mines. I saw him once briefly the end of the summer last year, but hadn't seen him since or had contact with him since then so last night was a surprise. Him and I quickly caught up on some things like family and such. Me and him were together back in like 2006 and it was kind of a good relationship and would've been a great one if me and him weren't so different from each other.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Long Distance Relationships

I was once asked to do a blog about long distance relationships and so here it is: I was once in a long distance relationship back when my love was fresh and new. I wasn't a full adult so I hadn't yet established what it is I wanted or needed out of a relationship. Just like all 18-year-old's I thought I knew everything and that everything would be simple.
I knew I would definitely miss my then boyfriend and first love, but I planned in my head the times we would see each other so it made things easier for me. But before I get to ahead of myself I need to take things back a bit.
My first love and I went off to different colleges. He was in North Carolina and I was in South Carolina. We would talk on the phone, text and occasionally chat over the Internet. We both had the same schedule when it came to school sanctioned breaks so when we got home to D.C. we would spend as much time as possible with each other. Christmas break was my favorite time cause me and him got the chance to hang out for basically a whole month. But I knew after Christmas I wouldn't get to see him again for another two months.
For me that wasn't good enough I wanted to be able to see him all the time not just talk on the phone or text. Our long distance relationship basically lasted a year and a half until things fell apart. The break up didn't really have much to do with the distance but more so us growing apart.
I grew to learn that I'm not the type of woman that would ever want to have a long distance relationship again. I like having a man near so we can hang out or just when I want to see him it's no problem.
Long distance relationships are tricky and require vast amount of trust. As I have learned recently no one wants to be constantly accused of cheating. It will only make the flower of love wilt and die.
Long distance relationships can be successful, but the right two people have to be together and have to be willing to put in the amount of time that is required to make the relationship work. I think about our men and women serving in the military that have been deployed to overseas duty while they have their special someone left in the United States.
Long distance relationships can succeed, but are you willing to put in the work?
Thanks for reading!
(John 3:16)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Are you a Carrie?

One of my favorite television shows is Sex And The City. Now I couldn't watch it when it originally aired because I didn't have HBO, but now I buy the seasons on DVD and watch the re-runs on TBS. I can honestly say I've seen every episode at least 4 times. I saw the first movie and can't wait for the second installment to hit theaters this summer. Its the ultimate show of a journey to love and great fashion, too.
Whenever I watch the show I always wonder what character am I. Am I a Carrie, a woman who is level headed, but always seems to get sidetracked by Mr. Big. Or am I a Samantha, a woman that is extremely promiscuous and has the attitude of a man when it comes to sexual matters. Or am I a Miranda, a woman that has been hurt by men and pushes away and mistreats the only man that she truly loves, but is crippled by fear to commit. Then there's Charlotte the hopeful romantic who converted religions just to be with the man she loved.
Now I don't mind being a Carrie or even a Samantha, but I do not want to be a Charlotte or a Miranda, but sadly I think all women are a Miranda and a Charlotte. It's just this little part of us that has been hurt in the past and causes us to push away someone that may be good for us, a Miranda. There is also this part of us that is hopeful that our prince charming is right around the corner regardless of the bad relationships of our past, a Charlotte.
Now some of us women are self proclaimed Carrie's and Samantha's. It's this one man in your past that you still think about and although you've moved on to new relationships you know that if he stepped back in your life tomorrow you would be with him, a Carrie. I must admit it's not socially acceptable to label yourself a Samantha because you may get the "she's a hoe look". I've never viewed the character Samantha like that. In my eyes she was a woman that just wanted to have fun. Ladies, don't we just want to have fun sometimes?
I think all women embodies a little something from each character. Some traits may be more dominant than others. I don't want anyone to be upset about what I said about any of the characters. This is my opinion and my view of them.
As for which character I am. I'm not telling just yet.
Thanks for reading!
(John 3:16)

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Love and LUST

*Lust- (noun) intense sexual desire or appetite. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or craving.
*Love- (noun) a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection. sexual passion or desire.
Often times when we get into relationships or before we get into them things transpire and we start to develop feelings for a person and most of us take those feelings to be love. So we'll say to that significant other "I love you" when really we should say to that person "I LUST you".
I wanted to define both love and lust so that you all would know the difference if you didn't already. Some people don't know the difference and think that love and lust are one in the same. Lust is wanting someone for sexual purposes only and it doesn't require having feelings for someone, whereas love is about having a deeper connection with someone which builds over time.
We have all lusted before and lust is tricky because it can show up as love but its not. Also sometimes a person can get caught up in wanting to love someone so bad or wanting that person to love them back that before you know it, it has all turned to lust. Then feelings get jumbled and it ends up being a mess.
So if your truly looking for love then before you get into another relationship think to yourself, could I see myself 5 years from now with this person or could I just see myself with this person 5 days. However way you answer you'll know if you have love or lust.
Thanks for reading!
(John 3:16)

Friday, February 12, 2010

Movie Lover

For most people a certain song played on the radio or shuffled in their iPod brings back the memory of a lost love and a time when they were happy with that special someone and for some a certain place such as a restaurant, park bench, or street can bring back feelings. But for me none of that tends to bring back too many memories for me but, I LOVE MOVIES and therefore have been on numerous dates to the movies. This may sound crazy but now when I watch certain movies that I once enjoyed watching with a boyfriend I can remember how I felt when I first saw it with him. I can remember if I was feeling nervous or anxious or just so into seeing this particular movie that nervousness and anxiousness were the farthest things from my mind.
I remember the very first movie I saw on a date. It was with my first boyfriend and first love. The movie was Daredevil with Ben Affleck. My first boyfriend actually kissed me during the movie and I use to could remember exactly which part when he kissed me, but my memory is hazy now. I don't watch that movie now (I think its stupid) but if I did I'm sure I would be able to go back in my memory to that 17-year-old girl sitting in that dark theater who was a bundle of nerves and received a kiss from a boy who would turn out to mean more to her than she ever expected.
I've seen so many movies and watched so many DVDs with boyfriends that if I began to list them it would just go on and on, but I do have two more that I would like to talk about.
My very last boyfriend the first movie we saw together was Pineapple Express. A marijuana comedy that made me laugh a lot now invokes a different emotion in me. When I do watch that movie again probably the feeling I will have is one of conquest because I got over him when I thought I wouldn't. I thought he was "the one" but he turned out not to be. No hard feelings though we are cool to this day.
I have a friend that is near and dear to me and we have a favorite movie and we like to say its "our" movie. That movie is The Departed. I love that movie and only good memories and good feelings are resurrected whenever I watch it. I'll just leave it at that.
Sometimes I tend to think that I love movies so much that I think I will get that rosy, fairytale happy ending that comes at the end of most movies. Where the good looking man comes and sweeps the gorgeous woman off her feet and they get married and its happily ever after. Then reality sets in and I know that life isn't like that. That movie is only 2 or 3 hours long and scenes are written, but life is 24 hours and can last almost 100 years and there is nothing written to direct the path you go down or who you will bump into. Love in real life is a continual scene where you are the director so you are the only one that can yell, CUT THAT'S A WRAP.
Thanks for reading!
(John 3:16)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Love Lost or Never Loved At All

In 1849 English poet Alfred Lord Tennyson was quoted to saying "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Lord Tennyson wrote that in a poem titled In Memoriam after the death of a dear friend.
Now I ask you: Is it truly better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? That is indeed a question you will have to answer for yourself. As far as for me I do think its better to have known love and lost it then to never know it. Love is one of the most powerful things in life and the love of another person is even greater. And when I say the love of another person I mean the romantic kind of love.
Its almost devastating to think that a person could go through life and not experience the look, feel and embrace of love. Those feelings can honestly not be put into words. To look into the eyes of a person that is full of love for you and you have that same love for them is amazing.
You may be thinking to yourself, if this love is so great then why does it have to get lost in the first place? Well sometimes people are great for the moments they are together, but in the long run they may not have been compatible with one another.
But to never have loved at all is to never know what it's like to put another person before yourself and feel the excitement when you see that person after being apart from each other.
Love is something that everyone should experience because it is a feeling that cannot be described.
The best definition of love can be found in The Bible in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Thanks for reading!
(John 3:16)

Friday, January 22, 2010

I Think Therefore I Am

I was recently reading a book at work, to help pass the time called Skinny B***h. It was written by these two vegan propaganda broads, but anyway, the book was about how to get skinny and ways to get skinny. I took none of that away from reading the book, but what I did take away from reading was something one of the authors said at the very end which was "You are what you think". Which basically means if you think and believe something will happen then it will. Reality has nothing to do with it. The simple fact that you believe it makes it a reachable and tangible goal.
Apply that concept to your love life. Always think that your Mr./Ms. Right is right around the corner and that at the perfect time he or she will be revealed to you. You may not have someone right now, but its still early into the year and stay hopeful that your special someone is coming right for you. When you give up hope of finding love your thoughts and beliefs are no longer tangible and it is like a rose that has withered up and died. But if you stay positive your rose will continue to blossom and one day your special someone will come and pick your rose out of the garden of love.
Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying that just because you stay positive that automatically your special someone is going to be there on a white horse or in a Benz to carry you off into the sunset. I'm also not saying that your going to find your special someone overnight, but if that happens for you please invite me to the wedding.
For some we might meet a bunch of duds before we find our true love. To be honest it's nothing wrong with meeting a dud because it will better help you A) gain better standards and B) make you a better person for that special someone.
The phrase I think therefore I am comes from the Latin "Cogito, ergo sum" and it was first quoted by Rene Descartes and it simply means that if someone is wondering whether or not he exists, that is in and of itself proof that he does exist. I find that to be very fitting for the subject I am discussing now.
Your special someone is out there and for me I always say, God is preparing him and also preparing me for my special someone and I to meet. Maybe you should look at that the same way too.
Thanks for reading!
(John 3:16)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

First Date of 2010....Something New


Last night I went on my first date of 2010. It was good and I had fun, but I must admit I was nervous. When he first asked me out last Monday I was nervous not just because I would be going out with someone new but also because he is of a different race than me.
We were holding hands and my own paranoia for a short while took over because I have never dated outside my race before. I felt like people were staring at us and it eventually dawned on me that no one was looking at us or let alone cared that me and him were together. After a while I stopped looking at race and just saw a man. We laughed together and enjoyed each others company.
Race has never been an issue for me, but usually men outside of my race don't approach me probably for the same reason I don't approach them; we're both thinking we won't be into each other or we don't date outside our race.
I love men and race doesn't matter as long as they treat me the way I should be treated and are kind and possess the same values I have.
I will not be alone or let the man God has chosen to be my husband pass me by because I'm looking at the color of their skin instead of what's in their heart. Now that's not for everyone, but it works for me.
Thanks for reading!
(John 3:16)

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Sacrifice

I was on Twitter a few days ago and someone had retweeted a person's tweet and it said: "If your not willing to sacrifice for a relationship then stay single". That started making me think. People say communication is key which is true, but in order to have an open and healthy relationship you have to be willing to sacrifice.
Dictionary.com defines sacrifice as: the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim. Isn't your significant other considered to hold a higher claim to you in your heart? I'm not saying give up everything that you love just to be with someone but cut back on the things that you do. If you were going to the club six times a month when you were single then cut it down to 2 or 3 now that your in a relationship. But depending on how your significant other feels they may not have a problem with it. Or if you spend a lot of time with your friends then cut back on that to give your partner the time he or she desires.
Also if someone isn't willing to sacrifice for you and you notice your the one doing all the sacrificing then you need to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship and take a true deeper look at the person you decided to be with. We can all be fools for love, but then it comes that awakening period when we're no longer caught up in the whimsy of love. Reality hits us and for some of us it hits us like a truck going 90 on the highway.
Now there's a bad side to sacrificing. Sometimes people allow or pressure their partner into making them sacrifice family or friends or even their kids. When I describe sacrifice I'm meaning cut back not CUT OFF. Never allow anyone to cut you off from the people you love.
I hope for the people that read this and are in relationships you have a discussion with your significant other about sacrifice and have it be a peaceful conversation not a I gave up this and that for you kind of conversation.
For the single people like me I hope this gets ingrained in your minds for the next relationship you enter into.
Thanks for reading!
(John 3:16)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Losing Hope.....NEVER DO IT!

All I can seem to think about lately is LOVE and finding the right person. My thought process on the whole subject matter is like a roller coaster. One minute I'm up and talking about how I'm willing to wait for that special someone and that he'll be coming soon and then I'm down thinking that I'll never find anyone.
I was down last night. I actually texted to someone that I had come to the conclusion that I would never have another boyfriend or won't ever have a husband. Even typing these words right now makes me want to cry. I did the one thing I want the people who are single NOT to do which is lose hope and give up on love.