Sunday, April 2, 2017

Chapter Three

One night my man and I were out at the movies and during the previews he made a comment that I did not like and I was a little peeved with him.  A few minutes passed and I decided that his comment was not that big of a deal that I should allow it to ruin our night by fighting.  So, I tugged on his arm gently and nudged him playfully to indicate that I wasn't mad anymore.

We probably have all heard the phrase "pick and choose your battles".  Well, that was one of those times.  Arguments and disagreements are going to occasionally occur in relationships and I think it is normal to a certain degree.  In the short time my man and I have been getting to know one another and become a couple we have had quite a few disagreements to put it mildly. 

Before we became an official couple we had a few phone conversations that ended with statements like "don't call or text me anymore" due to a heated discussion.  However, something I noticed about him and us, that was different from my other experiences with men is that him and I would always come back together after having a slight falling-out.  A day wouldn't go by before we were communicating with one another to smooth everything out.  Sometimes it would take longer than a day for things to be fixed, but you get the idea.  We would resolve the matter that had us quarrelling in the first place and apologize for our being wrong, if the situation called for that.

Often times when people have disagreements there comes a point when one or both persons feels as if the message they are trying to convey is not being received properly by the other person.  This can lead to emotions entering the spat (if not already there) and can take things from wanting to convey a message to simply just trying to win the argument. 

My boyfriend is twelve years older than me and we both have had different life experiences that have shaped and cultivated our opinions, perceptions, beliefs, etc..  Sometimes we see things differently and internalize information differently as well.  We have different temperament levels (I go zero to one hundred real quick and he is more reserved) and although there is a lot that him and I have in common there are a few things that could cause trouble in paradise.

Most people view fighting within a relationship as a negative and it can be if a couple literally argues all the time about everything and there are feelings of animosity towards one another.  An argument or disagreement here and there is going to happen and if you think not then perhaps you have a different perception of what an argument or disagreement is.  I believe, that if a couple doesn't argue at all that something is wrong and one person is kowtowing to the will of the other partner.  Who wants that?  Certainly not me, unless, of course, I can be the person to dole out orders and my boyfriend has to follow without question or feedback.  Just kidding!  Admittedly, that may seem nice at first, but after a while it would start to get dull.

Arguments with my boyfriend are unpleasant while in the thick of it all, but once time has passed and the emotions dissipate him and I are able to speak rationally and resolve our matters.  It may seem strange, but after we reconcile I feel like we grow closer and we get to know more about each other.  This among other things will cause our relationship to flourish.  We both may learn to structure a statement differently, we learn each others likes and dislikes, we learn how each other feels in general and what we can handle about each other or what could potentially be a deal breaker.

Of course, the longer that him and I are together we should have arguments (hopefully) less and less, but nonetheless we will probably always have disagreements because again, we are two human beings with different opinions and mindsets.  As long as we continue to respect, love and come back to one another there will always be not just me, but we.

Stay tuned for Chapter Four.

Thank for reading!
(John 3:16)

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