There was a guy that I was friends with and knew for many years. After graduating from our separate colleges, we started to hang out as friends and nothing more. At one point we went more than five years without communicating with one another, not because we had a falling out, but because were living our separate lives. A few months ago, we reconnected and started to hang out again, but this time it was different because he confessed that he wanted to date me. I wasn't interested in dating him and only saw him as a friend.
We had a few little disagreements in the past, but this time we were really having arguments. One night before him and I met up I noticed that mentally I was making a list of topics not to discuss or hope wouldn't come up through the course of our evening. No hot button items that could quickly turn our nice evening into raised voices in public and result in me storming out of an establishment (which happened twice).
That guy and I no longer speak because this time we did have a falling out. Although, I did not want a romantic relationship that experience gave me a peek into what a relationship would have been like with him if something other than a friendship would have been pursued. I wouldn't have liked it. I cannot be for certain, but I'm sure more arguments would have ensued and things probably would have ended quickly. However, that experience did make me think about the type of relationship that I do want. The simple fact that I had to make mental notes of what not to say before starting an evening with him was a clue that, that was not the relationship for me.
I want the type of relationship that makes me feel just like home. You know, how in your home you are carefree in your habits and have those little idiosyncrasies that should only be done at home, but you enjoy. That is what I want in a relationship. I want to be able to express who I am with someone and not feel like I have to hold back my opinion for fear of an argument or their discomfort with me having a different viewpoint.
Of course, relationships are going to have its ups and downs, peaks and valleys, hugs and arguments, but I feel like the good should always outweigh the bad. If a person is in a serious, committed relationship and there is a reversal as in, the bad outweighs the good and one partner is walking on eggshells then maybe it is time to reevaluate the relationship and a person must do what is best for them.
A relationship should be a safe haven for two people to feel comfortable. When I was younger I never thought about things such as this and maybe you have never considered the idea either. However, a relationship that feels like I can just be myself and the man be himself is the type of relationship that I aspire to have one day...soon, perhaps.
Thanks for reading!