Recognizing Growth

When I was in my mid- to-late 20s, I would go to the club and I honestly enjoyed the attention I would receive from men.  I mean, everyone likes to feel wanted, right?  Guys would attempt to flatter me with compliments and the stares I would get as I passed by with the occasional subtle arm grab to signal that they wanted my attention in return. 

Oh! I haven't even gotten to the dancing part.  The way men ogled me as I moved my hips on the dance floor to the latest 'trap' song blaring through the speakers.  Or how I would imagine in my mind that the rapper, Wale was speaking about me in his song Clappers "shawty got a big ol' butt, oh yeah".  It made me feel good knowing that all those men saw me as attractive and desirable.

However, now, I am in a different stage of my life.  I have recognized my growth.

For the past year or so, I have cutback on going out so much and recently the few times I have gone to the club I have realized that I no longer feel the need to be the most desired woman in the place. I still feel great about myself even if no man looks my way or pays me a compliment.  I also noticed that I don't give off the same vibes that I use to.  Firstly, I am no longer aided by the fumes of alcohol so I am viewing the club scene through sober eyes and second, I was never one for being in public half naked, but I was one to wear tight jeans and dresses to show off my derriere and body shape, ergo receiving lustful glares.  I no longer want hollow compliments and lecherous stares from men.

I hadn't noticed my growth before probably because it had never been tested before.  My growth happened because of two reasons, my faith in Jesus Christ has flourished and I have acknowledged that there is a certain type of man that I want that will not be found in the club crowd.  I no longer want to be viewed as a "being" whose only duty is to look pretty and provide pleasure.  I want a man to see my intelligence and ambition first and not someone only lusting after me.

Now, I do not want any misconceptions that I think a woman has no growth or is immature because she still likes to go to the club, drink, wear skimpy outfits or seek attention from men.  All I am trying to convey with this post, is that putting those things in the past is evidence of the growth in my life, but please understand I have so much farther to go.

Thanks for reading!
(John 3:16)